I hate royal icing.

Yes, that’s right. No, it’s not because I’m not great—or remotely good to be honest—at piping it. I haven’t even tried. I want to try and every time I get myself pumped to do it I think, ugh it just doesn’t taste good.

Before you assume I’m some totally awful sugar-hating-baker please hear me out. I have had some really great sugar cookies with royal icing. They were super tasty, maybe a bit too sweet for my non-pregnant-self, and just the right amount sweet for my pregnant self.

I have also seen some absolutely STUNNING designs done in royal icing. I would prefer to call it art because the work I have seen some bakers out there accomplish is incredible.

Other creative endeavors I see out there make me feel an ounce jealous that I don’t have the same talent, two ounces annoyed that I don’t get up and utilize my artistic skills in some way, and five ounces inspired to get up and apply my creativity.

But when I see royal icing decorating I have none of that inspiration to go try to do it myself because I do not have steady enough hands for the intricacies and because my first rule in baking is don’t make something you wouldn’t eat.

I am now on a quest to find something I like more than royal icing—oh wait, I can already list that. I mean something that is pipe-able in a simple manner (don’t you all shout frosting at me) that has a similar-ish consistency.

I’m trying to find the perfect icing/frosting/finishing for my heart shaped cookies. I was inspired to do conversation hearts, however, royal icing… So I will take the conversation hearts idea and give it a different spin.

Will report back approximately 5 pounds of butter, 2 pounds of confectioners sugar, and some odd measurements of vanilla/milk/cream/water later.

Keep mixing. Keep dancing. Keep it disco.